Yet, not surprisingly, during the times when we most neglect our own self-care needs we often become yuck-ifyingly clingy, needy, and insufferable? …Your honesty is assumed here folks.
Okay, so we all know that self-care is an aspired-for, orienting habit. It grounds us, brings us delight in the present moment. Psychologists also know that it is the golden tool to bring a sense of self-agency (“I CAN do it!) moment for patients needing a proverbial kick in the pants or jumpstart to their engines. It’s true. When we feel at our lamest, when the earth is literally turning over on us, and we are consumed by a sense of powerlessness (the essential ingredient to depression), finding a single thing that we can do for ourselves that brings us joy may be the ticket out of the dark spiral of depressed being, or being-around, as it may be.
Now you may find yourself picking on the “brings us joy” comment. You may be saying that in a state of depression, joy is unattainable. And to that, I say, “perhaps” is the answer. And perhaps not! For clinical level depression, one should really seek and obtain professional help. But truthfully, in my experience, nearly all of my patients who (after encouragement to create their own rolodex of self-care recipes) actually used their rolodexes, made good progress.
Now a rolodex of self-care may need to be updated from time to time to accommodate changes to budget, age, seasons, and resources. All good. Simply add new cards and tag them with $, $$, $$$, $$$$ or time stamps for (5mins, 10mins, 1hour, 1/2 day, whole day, weekend, etc.,.
I encourage you do not lose motivation when your budget is on empty: whereas you might have once booked monthly (or, god bless you, weekly!) massage, now you may have to hit the amazon button and get one of those little scalp-claw devices (oooooh! So good!!!). Maybe you have to use it on yourself, but maybe you are fortunate to have a loved one commit to 4-5 minutes of such heaven-inducing relaxation while you mellow out or drink a spicy and revitalizing tea.
Whatever it is that tends to fill your bucket, write it down and store it away on your cloud-storage device under, “SELF-CARE”—so you can access it anywhere, anytime. PTSD Coach is an Amazing app that automatically populates your basic self-care protocols. It was designed to give you a boost if you lack the initiative or know-how in diy self-care kit.
I especially encourage my sleep-deprived mamas out there to dig deep into the recesses of their pre-baby brains and remember that at one time, they did do these kind of semi-routine things that brought them a sense of mastery or joy. Recalling this list is great, but for new mamas, it is really important to extract distilled versions of their previous joys; as 2-3 minutes is sometimes all you get! It’s ok! It will get better! For my pre-baby self, a 10-mile run brought great joy (especially if I set a new PR), but for me as a new mama, packing the kid in the carrier and dropping by the neighborhood coffee shop on a quick walk around the block brought me an equal amount of relief. And as ever, getting your shoes tied (or slip-ins, no judgment here) is often the hardest step in the whole inertia thing. Big ups for those whose joy is in overcoming Newton’s 1st law of motion on the regular—You are a Master!
